"How
to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or
Less"
by
Nicholas Boothman
Connecting with other people brings infinite rewards...
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How
to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or
Less
Book Description
The average person's attention span lasts about 30 seconds. That means first
and immediate impressions count, and big. In this modern-day update of Dale
Carnegie's classic How to Win Friends and Influence People, former
fashion photographer Nicholas Boothman instructs you in how to mold those
30 seconds to your greatest advantage and connect with others at business
and social functions.
Boothman, now a lecturer and licensed master practitioner of neurolinguistic
programming (the art and science of how the brain affects human connections),
says that the key to making others like you quickly lies in establishing
a rapport: you have to find out what you have in common or, if you seemingly
have nothing in common, purposely try to become like the other person for
a short time. He then goes on to offer simple techniques for getting a rapport
going: adopt a positive attitude; make sure your words, tone, and gestures
are all saying the same thing; synchronize your attitude and body movements
to those of another person's (which makes the person feel comfortable with
you--although he or she may not know why); and ask lots of open-ended questions.
Boothman also describes how to figure out a stranger's favored sense for
receiving information about the world--some rely on visual cues, others on
auditory or kinesthetic (touch) input--and use it to your best advantage.
If discovering how to connect with others is the secret to business and life
success, as Boothman contends, then employing the strategies in this book
will make you instantly likeable and give you a leg up on the competition.
--Nancy Monson
READER'S COMMENTS ON
How
to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or
Less
Better Communications by Creating Rapid
Connections! This book is one of the simpler and easier to understand of
the many books that introduce Neuro-Linguistic Programming techniques. It
is also a little more original in that it does not simply repeat the ideas
of Drs. Richard Bandler and John Grinder word-for-word as so many of these
books do. The author has studied under Dr. Bandler (as have I) and is a Licensed
NLP Master Practitioner.
If you already know NLP, you can skip this book.
If you do not yet know NLP, this is a good introduction for those who have
trouble making in-person connections.
NLP is based on observations of how people open themselves up to receive
communications from others. Basically, we each have thinking habits that
mean we consider subjects in different ways and sequences. When we come upon
a way or sequence that is different from ours, we close up and pull back.
When we come on one just like ours, we feel relaxed and open, and the message
sinks in both consciously and unconsciously. Students of perception estimate
that the words you use are less than 25 percent of the communications that
are received from you. Your body motions are the primary means of communicating.
Your intonation is also important (take time to sound pleasant).
The author focuses on the fact that impressions are formed in the first 10
seconds or so when we meet someone. He encourages us to open ourselves up
physically (hands open, coat unbuttoned if you have one on, relaxed), look
the other person in the eye, beam (like you are shaking hands), say Hi! with
a positive attitude, and lean towards the person. These are universally
interpreted as being genuine indications of interest that are perceived by
the other person's subconscious mind, and the other person will almost always
respond in kind.
There are three primary modes that people use to process thoughts (visual,
auditory, and kinesthetic -- both emotions and physical feelings), and remembered
and imagined versions of each one. The book contains clues (such as eye movement
and choices of verbs) to understand the person's preferences. You are encouraged
then to be sure to include those modes. This advice was the weakest point
of the book. Dr. Bandler has shown since developing NLP that equally emphasizing
all of the modes works even better, so the author would appear not to have
worked with Dr. Bandler in some time.
Finally, you are encouraged to mirror and match the behavior of the other
person (from breathing to posture to gestures).
The key points of the book, then, can be summarized as a positive attitude
toward the other person, synchronicity in actions and locating commonalities,
using the correct conversational modes, and emphasizing the sensory preferences
of the other person.
The other major weakness of this book is that it does not do enough to help
the shy person to get themselves into the mood to do all of these things.
Tony Robbins (another former student of Richard Bandler's) has a good technique
you can use, which is to remember the most fabulous first meeting you ever
had with another person before you step forward to meet the new person. Your
mind and body will still be jazzed by the favorable memory, and the viewer
will perceive that high level of excitement.
I would like to give the author great credit for his photo. His years of
expreience in fashion and advertising photography show off to advantage.
He mimics listening to someone with great interest. Look at the photo to
get a sense of how someone's posture and expression can affect you.
After you have absorbed these lessons, consider how much your attitude determines
the reactions you get from other people. If you are afraid to meet them,
that will show. If you are delighted to be with them, that will also show.
If your message is important to you, you should take a little time to dress
up your attitude and responsiveness if you want to really be dressed for
success. Ask yourself if you would really want to listen to you when you
do not take the time to be an interested communicator. If not, now may be
a good time for a change. You, too, can be irresistible -- when you want
to be. Also, be aware that the person who seems so interested in your may
simply be a devoted student of NLP. Keep probing for trustworthiness!
~Donald
Click
How
to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or
Less
Excellent introduction to how to make
people like you. This is a great book which can help make people like you
in a very short time. I found it in a Book Exhibition, and decided to buy
it since the title attracted me. It's really useful when you learn how to
attract attention of people which is very important in our daily life. This
book is concise, user-friendly and uses simple language for conveying the
auther's message.
Part (1) is an introduction about the importance of the first impression.
There is an old saying which is true most of the time (The first impression
is the last impression.) All what you need is to adopt a positive attitude,
make sure your words, tone, and gestures are in harmony, and use your gift
in organizing your speech to maintain an attractive conversation by using
open-ended questions to try to discover what the other person likes.
Part (2) focuses on the first 90 seconds for establishing a rapport. As Mr.
Boothman said, the key to establish a rapport with people is to learn how
to be like them.
Part (3) is talking about the secrets of interactions. I was amazed when
I learned that some people rely on visual cues, others on auditory or kinesthetic
(touch) input. You just should try to discover what the other person prefers
and use it to your best advantage! After doing the exercise to determine
my favorite sense, it came out to be (Visual)! The author gives us some exercises
for determining the characteristics of the people whose favorable senses
are visual, auditory, and kinesthetic.
Keep in you mind that your reward at the end will be the acceptance of the
other person for your personality.
However, I agree with some reviewers that there are few points which were
not clarified in this book:
1. emphasizing on general appearance.
2. exploring coversational techniques.
3. overcoming shyness for some people.
4. speaking to more than 1 person.
In summary, I recommend this book for anybody who is interested in the
"psychology" of how to give a good impression in 90 seconds or less!
Well done Mr. Boothman!~Khalid
Click
How
to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or
Less
Teen Shyness Overcome.My 16 year old son has always been shy. I gave my son this book to read over the summer to see if it could help him overcome some of his shyness before entering his junior year in high school. Overnight, this book changed his life. Everytime he practiced a new skill his self confidence grew. Everyone is commenting on the change in him. I have purchased extra copies of this book to give to other kids who are ready to gain confidence in themselves; to feel comfortable enough with themselves to meet new people and feel comfortable with old friends. Over the years I have tried teaching my son some of the skills in this book, but until my son read the book himself he just didn't get it. Now he does. He is the happy kid I have always known him to be. He is constantly smiling now and rushes to meet life head on. I highly recommend this book to teens and adults looking for a simple answer on how to meet people and make them like you in 90 seconds or less.~Janet
Click
How
to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or
Less
helpful ...
I found this book really interesting and helpful in approaching people in
particular to meeting new people and building a rapport. In some areas such
as body language and congruency in delivering communication it overlapped
with my training in social work, I would highly recommend this book to anyone
who is struggling to meet people in everyday situations. If you have a background
in social work or counselling chances are these are skills you already possess,
great to recommend to clients though.~J.J.
Click
How
to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or
Less
Okay, so everyone is writing how-to books. Why? They sell. Why? Because we
know we could be better than we are and most of us want that to happen.
Boothman's book is a plus in any library. He tells what to do and what not
to do when meeting friend or foe. With the usual hello or go to hell out
of the way, he makes good suggestions about how to build natural rapport.
My favorite part of the book is how to get along with a bully. The bottom
line is that with just a little practice you can have complete strangers
saying, "There's something about this person I really like." Success! Since
I'm considered one of America's most controversial authors, that's a very
difficult thing for me to accomplish even on my good days. So if this book
helped me make a few friends, just think what it can do for you. ~Bob
Click
How
to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or
Less
Slow start, but many good tips. As with many books this one spent too long
at the beginning trying to build the case that you want people to like you.
Obviously the reader agrees or they would not be wasting their time. Once
he got into the substance though the book had some amazing points and many
good tips. I will likely re-read to pick up a few more that I may have missed.
If you are a social person, but want to take it to the next level this book
provides great insight to do that.~J
Click
How
to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or
Less
Interesting
read. This was a very interesting book. I actually listened to the audio
CD and found his voice to be pleasant to listen to. This book would be a
great tool for people in sales and marketing, or persons in a business where
people skill really count. Most of the techniques are similar to the ones
given in "How to make friends and influence people." But one thing I really
noticed that was different in this book was the addition of what sense are
people driven by.
Boothman states that people can be driven by one of 3 sensory mechanisms:
1) Sight
2) Sound
3) Kinesthetics (feelings)
He gives you tools for figuring out which of these is the driving factor
in a persons life. For example, if you understand someone, how would you
respond:
1) I see what you are saying.
2) I hear you.
3) I understand how that makes you feel.
I took the test he gave and was shocked to find that I am auditory, but then
I started listening to how I respond to people and noticed my responses do
tend to be auditory in nature. If you have read "The Five Love Languages"
this portion of the book may be familiar to you, as Boothman discusses how
we can change our responses to fit the other persons sensory language, thus
making them feel more in tune with us.
It is definitely worth a read!~J.R.O.
Click
How
to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or
Less
The Secrets Of Communication. "People who are low on communication skills
usually have not thought out the response they want from the other person
in the first place and therefore cannot aim for it" (21).
Boothman has been a photographer for some time, and as such he has much to
say about how to achieve instant rapport with another person within a matter
of minutes. This is all essential in his line of work, where he must instantly
find something in common with whatever smiling or snarling model who graces
a centerfold, bu it is even more essential to men and women in other lines
of work since at some point dealing with others is a task that every worker
faces. The book is divided into three sections, "first contact", "the 90-second
land of rapport", and "the secrets of communication." Boothman's book should
be required reading for all who not only work, but anyone who has ever considered
going on a date or wanting to be married, since much of this material is
focused on giving people respect in exchange for rapport.
First Contact
When Boothman wants to discuss a subject, he does so in two manners: (1)
he decides to belabor the point for 30+ pages, or (2) he mentions it briefly
and moves on. The first option describes how Boothman describes likability
in this first section of the book.
The 90-Second Land Of Rapport
If a person wanted to be certain they were sending every non-verbal message
with a purpose and a meaning, they would be a wonderful communicator and
people would be naturally drawn to them. Anyone who tries to go for this
goal automatically improves rapport with others. Acting like other people
act makes them want to be around a perso more, also.
The Secrets Of Communication
For most men and women, communication is a cryptic word with little or no
meaning. Boothman discusses how listening is more important than talking,
how "parroting" another person is annoying, how vivid language is exciting,
and how people are either visual, audible, or kinesthetic in the way they
communicate. Understanding how a person sees the world, or hears the world,
or feels the world, is essential into putting them first in conversation.
Conclusion
In summary, Boothman concludes his work by summarizing all of the sections
of his book. This is nice work, so that summary may speak for itself, with
what has been written here.~Samual
Click
How
to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or
Less
Sounds cheesy but rings true. This book
is based on Neuro-Linguistic Programming theories, and it is GREAT stuff
because it WORKS. I've gotten DATES with this stuff. I've honestly recieved
the response "Where do I know you from?" a few times. And I did it with only
ONE WORD: "Hi." The rest was body language (I think the secret is in the
eyes.) I do not generally take the time to write long reviews. I spend my
time living and I read a lot of non-fiction books with the desire to deepen
it. I submit ratings for those books I loved most. This is one of them. Although
the title sounds cheesy this is powerful and effective information. These
techniques work. Get it. Read it. Twice!~Shayne
Click
How
to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or
Less
Read It Today, Make an Impression Tomorrow!
This book is full of quick easy ways to start making connections with others.
While some of the tips are common sense, they are still helpful and it is
good to be reminded of them. After all, what might be common sense to you
might not be common sense to me.
You can start applying what you learn in this book right away, and you'll
also start to see a difference when meeting new people.~S
Click
How
to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or
Less
Consider this book, if you're preparing for a job interview. This is a quick
read (less than two hours) but it has enough tips in it, that once you've
finished it, you'll want to go back and reread parts of it again.
Written in an easy to understand format, it is an introductory guide to
Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). If you already know a little about NLP,
you would probably prefer some more advanced literature, but if this is the
first time you've been exposed to these types of techniques, you'll find
it to be a great introduction.
A word of caution -- simply reading this book will not turn you into the
most popular person on the block. However, even adding just a few of these
techniques to your repertoire will help.
I like to lend this book to friends preparing for job interviews. I was reading
this book while interviewing for a new job. I believe it was my improved
ability to quickly connect with strangers, brought about in part by using
some of these techniques, which helped me to secure my new job. (One interviewer
later told me that he felt like he'd known me forever. "We connected right
from the start.")
Target Audience: You sometimes don't make a great first impression with people,
and you wish you could connect with people quicker. The more you practice
these techniques, the more powerful they become.~Maggie
Click
How
to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or
Less
The Real Deal.
This is indeed a book that can CHANGE YOUR LIFE! As someone who always had
trouble connecting with people this book showed me very specific methods
to use to cause people to like and pay attention to me. To those of us who
suffer from social interaction blindness, this is a manual on how to have
people listen to you and like you. Simple things like pointing your heart
at other peoples hearts, or mimicking their mannerisms really work. (I didn't
believe it either, but I tried it and it worked!) Buy this book and begin
living. This may be useful for adults with Asperger's syndrome who may be
out of touch with social interaction. The book is very practical, not a bunch
of wishy-washy theory. ~R.S.
Click
How
to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or
Less
This will make people like you. I've decided that this book does in fact
serve it's purpose - to make people like you. It starts by helping you connect
better with people, & I really like the piece on determining if the person
is auditory or visual (or kino).~Reggie
Click
How
to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or
Less
For best results, read and read again. This book repeats what I've often
read that every person controls his own attitude. I found Nicholas Boothman's
ideas for getting people to open up and communicate both interesting and
informative. However, to get the most out of this book, I would suggest reading
it several times; easily done as it's only 171 pages. ~A
Reader
Click
How
to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or
Less
Increased Sales will Follow reading
this book! I have recently read your book! And simply put ..this information
is user friendly and it works.
I am the Director of business development with an audio,lighting and staging
company in Canada.Using this informaton made more sales for my company!
I have 2 stories to relate to you.
Story #1 Part of our operation involves a retail sector. I was watching our
sales staff present our products , they were asking all the " Closing" questions
but were failing to get the sale. They were talking but not connecting! I
took one of the sales people aside and using Nick's teachings from his book
I found out my sales rep. was an Auditory. Guess what? That is the way he
was relating to the clients.
I pointed out that his clients were any one of 3 types of people. Visuals,
Auditory, Kino(Touchy Feely Type). I taught him a quick lesson on how to
determine which they were. Then I told him to communicate with them in a
way they like to process the information.
If they were visual he would show them something...If they were auditory
he would let them listen to it...and if the were a "Kino" he would talk about
how this would make them feel. Results were INSTANT increased Sales!
Story #2
I was asked by a major Canadian corporation to assist senior management with
presentation techniques. I took the teachings of Nick to the boardroom. I
helped them construct a presentation that would cover all the various "types"
of people that would be the target audience. The result was out standing!
All the presenters who listend and practiced were complimented on a job well
done. And for all my hard work I secured yet another client for our company.
This book will help business people turn a transaction into an
Interaction.....That means RAPPORT! That means increased sales.
Bravo!~Garth
Click
How
to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or
Less
An easy-to-read and helpful book. I read
it last night and went to the mall today to try it out--amazing! My 9 year
old daughter has always had difficulty looking at people when they speak
to her and I realized she's definately an "Auditory" individual--turning
her ear to people when they speak. I'm going to simplify the exercises and
put them in "9-year-old" terminology to help her connect with people easier.
Her assignment today was to find out what her teachers eye color is. Mr.
Boothman should write a book for kids. I WISH I had know this stuff when
I was young!~A
Click
How
to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or
Less
A really useful book. Whether you're a teenage guy having trouble talking
to girls; the CEO of a major corporation unhappy with your employees'
productivity; or a mother who wishes her kids would clean their rooms without
being nagged, you need this book!
It presents a look at developing "rapport" during the first few seconds of
meeting someone - a practice that can make the difference in a relationship
or a business deal.
The book also presents practical advice on enhancing existing relationships
by understanding other people's methods of interpreting sensory input.
Unlike many books by motivational speakers who spout motherhood statements
and generalizations, author Nicholas Boothman uses plain language and effective
metaphors that provide the reader with concrete communication "tools." A
fascinating "read," this book is a guide to be used along your day-to-day
life path.
Boothman's writing style is remarkably clear and concise. How to Make People
Like You in 90 Seconds or Less is an oasis of simplicity for everyone coping
in today's complex world.~A Reader
Click
How
to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or
Less
Basic to Life Itself. This concise, easy-to-read book is all about establishing
rapport with people. The author delves into what happens during the initial
moments of personal contact when we tend to form "first impressions." Boothman
takes a separate look at each of the senses during the meeting process, with
a particular focus on verbal and body language. The reader learns to orchestrate
an interaction to achieve a specific goal, which is often to be liked and
accepted by the other person.
Fiction writers, in particular, will appreciate the chapter that includes
a discussion on the three major senses people use to take in information
- sight, sound and touch. Surprisingly, we speak using a verbal dialogue
that feeds the sense we rely on the most. By incorporating characters' verbal
styles and sensory-related actions with their body language, writers can
create even more vivid fiction.
The book is written in a straightforward manner, and is peppered with anecdotes
and metaphors. This self-help book will empower people invigorate their social
and professional lives.~Dorothea
Click
How
to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or
Less
Better Communications by Creating Rapid Connections! This book is one of
the simpler and easier to understand of the many books that introduce
Neuro-Linguistic Programming techniques. It is also a little more original
in that it does not simply repeat the ideas of Drs. Richard Bandler and John
Grinder word-for-word as so many of these books do. The author has studied
under Dr. Bandler (as have I) and is a Licensed NLP Master Practitioner.
If you already know NLP, you can skip this book.
If you do not yet know NLP, this is a good introduction for those who have
trouble making in-person connections.
NLP is based on observations of how people open themselves up to receive
communications from others. Basically, we each have thinking habits that
mean we consider subjects in different ways and sequences. When we come upon
a way or sequence that is different from ours, we close up and pull back.
When we come on one just like ours, we feel relaxed and open, and the message
sinks in both consciously and unconsciously. Students of perception estimate
that the words you use are less than 25 percent of the communications that
are received from you. Your body motions are the primary means of communicating.
Your intonation is also important (take time to sound pleasant).
The author focuses on the fact that impressions are formed in the first 10
seconds or so when we meet someone. He encourages us to open ourselves up
physically (hands open, coat unbuttoned if you have one on, relaxed), look
the other person in the eye, beam (like you are shaking hands), say Hi! with
a positive attitude, and lean towards the person. These are universally
interpreted as being genuine indications of interest that are perceived by
the other person's subconscious mind, and the other person will almost always
respond in kind.
There are three primary modes that people use to process thoughts (visual,
auditory, and kinesthetic -- both emotions and physical feelings), and remembered
and imagined versions of each one. The book contains clues (such as eye movement
and choices of verbs) to understand the person's preferences. You are encouraged
then to be sure to include those modes. This advice was the weakest point
of the book. Dr. Bandler has shown since developing NLP that equally emphasizing
all of the modes works even better, so the author would appear not to have
worked with Dr. Bandler in some time.
Finally, you are encouraged to mirror and match the behavior of the other
person (from breathing to posture to gestures).
The key points of the book, then, can be summarized as a positive attitude
toward the other person, synchronicity in actions and locating commonalities,
using the correct conversational modes, and emphasizing the sensory preferences
of the other person.
The other major weakness of this book is that it does not do enough to help
the shy person to get themselves into the mood to do all of these things.
Tony Robbins (another former student of Richard Bandler's) has a good technique
you can use, which is to remember the most fabulous first meeting you ever
had with another person before you step forward to meet the new person. Your
mind and body will still be jazzed by the favorable memory, and the viewer
will perceive that high level of excitement.
I would like to give the author great credit for his photo. His years of
expreience in fashion and advertising photography show off to advantage.
He mimics listening to someone with great interest. Look at the photo to
get a sense of how someone's posture and expression can affect you.
After you have absorbed these lessons, consider how much your attitude determines
the reactions you get from other people. If you are afraid to meet them,
that will show. If you are delighted to be with them, that will also show.
If your message is important to you, you should take a little time to dress
up your attitude and responsiveness if you want to really be dressed for
success. Ask yourself if you would really want to listen to you when you
do not take the time to be an interested communicator. If not, now may be
a good time for a change. You, too, can be irresistible -- when you want
to be. Also, be aware that the person who seems so interested in your may
simply be a devoted student of NLP. Keep probing for trustworthiness!
~Donald
Click
How
to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or
Less
Immediately usefu. The techniques detailed in this book can be found in
others...but the difference here is the ease in which they may be assimilated
and fruitfully used. Nicholas Boothman updates the quest for winning friends
by utilizing fun exercises, popular culture references, and delightful analogies.
His own seminar-circuit success gives validity to the positive impact of
the approaches, and makes the reader believe that he, too, is just a
properly-nuanced "Hi!" and handshake away from a similar result. A friendly,
Sunday afternoon read.~S
Read
more
or order your copy of
"How
to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or
Less" today!
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